Invoke Your Primal Desire – Chinnamasta

The voices in the air tell you, “Go left in 100 meters; Go right in 100 meters. Your destination will be on your right in 300 meters.”

They make you used to following directions instead of searching.

I’m not against GPS. It’s made going places easy in these times when it could even be dangerous to stop and ask people things.

I’m just saying, long before GPS, they trained us to follow directions. So when we want to do something, we still want to know how someone else did it.

But every true Spirit always said, “If you sink bravely into your own dark depths, you will find the map you’re looking for. No, it’s not in the light, because the parasites are watching you everything of you that’s in the light. It’s in the dark.”

There was a time I was dying. I didn’t know what it was exactly, the symptoms matched those of Mononucleasis. I couldn’t keep anything in my stomach. It was cold, I was living alone and had absolutely no one in the world I could call for help.

I remembered then in my feverish state, or maybe she arose in my sight. This old painting seen on Facebook or something, a form of Mother Goddess called Chinnamasta . The painting showed a primal dark goddess, who had forms of her manifested as smaller versions of her, possibly in the earth realm. The painting showed her chopping off her head and feeding the two smaller forms of her with that blood.

I didn’t have logic for it, I started screaming her name, calling her.

I began despite my feverish state, realizing that the cutting off of the head to allow fresh blood to flow was what I had to do too, to give life to the parts of me ailing. The head means the ever noisy mind, programmed to be used by parasites to live off my living body.

The painting showed her over a couple making love. I saw that sexual energy has a cycle. When you desire someone for real, whether you physically make love or not; you hit a wall. That wall is the Mind or Head. When you surrender your mind, and let primal energy flow through and your life, let your desire go through you, you don’t lose sexual energy – or vital energy, it lifts you into the next paradigm and then circles back enlivening the body.

I didn’t know how to do it, I just began to cry that I want, I want; I couldn’t say it in words. In my feverish state my body functions had all stopped and all that was left in me was my primal desire, the reason for which I ever came into existence.

Primal desire burned my whole body, I didn’t know where it ended and the fever began, or where the fever ended and it began.

Three days in the dark, in bed. Then I went to the bathroom, found I was bleeding, and drank back my moon blood.

In that moment, my life went on a different paradigm from before.

I wrote about this in my book – First Water – The Use of Urine and Sexual Fluids as Medicine. .

But this is not about what I did. I’m saying, don’t keep searching for your path among those used by others. In whichever way comes to you, learn to invoke the spiritual forces within and without for yourself and go on that path.

Don’t wait like I did, till I manifested a complete breakdown before I was ready to cut out mind-me.

The great things of this life, Love, Power, Success – they cannot come to you as they should while you’re scraping it off someone else’s path. All these amazing things, they come to those who are willing to look crazy to thug world, and surrender to their primal DESIRE.

Everyone wants that amazing glass and paradigm shattering love. But we subject our every little feeling and instinct to “sensible” scrutiny.

If you don’t know how to shatter the glass, invoke your fire, your primal desire. I can list ways others have done it, or I have done it. But I won’t. If you want to do it, it’ll come to you.

How you’ll recognize it is, it’ll make no or very little sense to your mind. But you’ll want to do it. You’ll feel instinctively that you must do it.